Tips to Turn Around Your Life
Believe that you control your life.
Everything hinges on your belief that you can make a difference in your own life.
Everything compounds as you do it.
You get to choose what grows the most.
■ Debt or savings?
■ Good habits or bad?
■ Donuts or healthy meals?
■ After dinner snack or after dinner walk?
■ 15 minutes of TikTok or 15 minutes learning a new craft?
■ Reading something interesting or mind numbing social media?
Are you going to spend that 10 minutes a day after dinner going for a walk or getting into online gambling?
Taking an online course or catching up on celebrities that don't give a bum's tush about you?
Small habits build the framework of your life. Deliberately build good habits or you'll be stuck with bad habits as a default.
Don't take the first step that leads you down a lifetime of bad habits. If you haven't taken that first smoke; swallowed that first drink or pill; stepped into that first casino; opened up that first gambling site; JUST DON'T DO IT.
If you have taken that step, you can change. Every minute is an opportunity to make a different choice. You can change if you want to do so.
Click on Train Your Brain for more detail how to combat bad habits.
No matter how tough it looks; don't pick up that first vape (or cigar)! Burmese woman smoking a cigar (1890 and 1923).
Your comfort zone is your jail cell.
The longer you stay in the comfort zone, the more it limits your life.
■ Take small steps
■ Actively seek out new experiences
■ Learn something new; and don't give up if it is hard
■ Discomfort is a sign of growth
■ Challenge your beliefs
If you avoid discomfort now, you'll pay for it later. Do the hard things first and reward yourself last.
It may be scary or shocking but you can challenge your beliefs! Painting below Martin Theodore Ward (1799-1874) - Head of a Terrier oil on canvas.
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Don't let other people hold you back from your best life.
Don't take life or mental health advice from unhappy people (don't waste your time arguing with them online either). Would you take financial advice from a broke person? Of course not; so don't take advice on health and happiness from grumpy people.
Many people don't care about your success or your happiness; they don't want you to outgrow them or to be 'better' than them. Move on in silence and block them if needed. This hold true of relatives as well. A true friend would be happy for your success!
If where you live is a negative cesspool figure out how to move. You may just need a new horizon.
Good mental health thrives on action.
Sitting and over thinking makes things worse.
Stop waiting to feel ready. Just jump in and start doing.
Stop demanding perfection from yourself. Perfection is subjective and boring. Be eccentric.
To combat perfection
1) Do something deliberately bad.
- Are you crappy at art? Make a terrible painting or crayon drawing. Bonus if you finger paint it.
- Do you stink at dancing? Try to follow a break dancing dance tutorial busting out your Raygun moves.
- Bad at cooking? Try to follow a wacky TikTok recipe.
- Terrible at math? Break out the story problems.
- Are you extra? Start a YouTube Channel showing your attempts or your progress.
2) Make fun of yourself (see above YouTube channel). Stop taking yourself seriously and have fun trying out something new.
3) Celebrate your mistakes. You learn by making mistakes so bring them on! Keep score and reward yourself for trying and failing!
4) Practice self compassion. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself.
5) The fun is in the trying. Remember, you have to practice to get better. The joy is in the activity, not the perfect ending. If you need a reminder of this, watch little kids having fun and making stuff.
6) See the big picture and focus on meaningful results. Is the time you are spending worth it? What part is important? What part can only you do? Can you delegate some of it to other people?
7) Done is better than perfect. Break down tasks into manageable chunks.
See how to stop procrastinating for more tips.
8) Turn liabilities into strengths. Reframe how you think about yourself.
The Ugly Duckling 2 1895. Illustration by Alfred Walter Bayes (1832-1909) and engraved by the Dalziel Brothers (Edward Daziel, 1817-1905; George Daziel, 1815-1902).
* Jake L (27 year old man): "For most of my life, I thought I needed to have motivation to get things done. I'd wait for that magical bump of inspiration to start a project, begin working out, or apply for jobs. Well here's the spoiler, no matter how long I waited that day never came and nothing changed.
One day I thought to myself: 'You don't need to have motivation to start. You just need momentum.' So I stopped waiting for that magical burst of energy. Instead I made a promise to myself, I would give myself 5 minutes each day to move forward. It didn't matter how crummy I felt; I would do that 5 minutes of each task I was avoiding. Wash dishes? 5 minutes. Take a walk? 5 minutes. Look for a job? 5 minutes. Clean my living room? 5 minutes.
At first, it felt useless and stupid. But by the end of the first week, I realized that 5 minutes turned into 10 minutes and then 25 minutes without me even noticing.
My thinking has shifted dramatically; my feelings don't hold me hostage anymore. I am not waiting for the magical muse or inspiration to strike. I depend on action not thoughts to get stuff done.
If you are stuck in place like I was, here is the trick: your enemy is getting started not the actual task. You get motivation through action, not the other way around!
Pick one job you've been putting off and commit 5 minutes to it today. Once you start doing, your body stops over thinking it and goes into action mode. It is a hack to overcome your tendency to procrastinate and resist momentum.
Think consistency over intensity, each day. Small wins can add up fast."
Make choices based on hopes and goals, not fears
Don't base your life on your fears or anxiety. Make choices based on your goals.
Don't make decisions based in fear or anxiety:
Anxiety creates uncertainty, causing you to over think and second-guess yourself. It may cause you to develop cognitive biases and skew your view of reality.
Making choices based on fear often leads to inaction due to fear paralysis.
Run towards what you want; not away from what you don't want!
Reframe fear and anxiety as motivational:
Use mindfulness to ground you and allow rational decision making. Recognize your feelings and identify how they influence your behavior.
Use cognitive behavior therapy to challenge and change fear-based negative thought patterns. Look at evidence objectively instead of through feelings.
Use fear constructively to research options and plan small steps to achieve goals.
Let go of perfectionism:
No-one is perfect. Perfect is boring. Don't be afraid to be you!
Take care of your mental health
If you have poor mental health start helping yourself.
If you have no money for therapy or do not wish to do therapy: there are many free YouTube channels with professionals (and nonprofessionals) providing advice on dealing with a multitude of mental health issues.
Also, your brain is part of your body; increasing physical health can improve mental health. Check out my pages on this website on healing your brain and body. Lowering inflammation levels can really help mental health.
A word of warning, don't get caught up in internet or podcast toxicity. The key is to fix yourself; not to follow and emulate someone whining about how all your problem in life are someone else's fault. The person who can change your life is the person looking at you in the morning each morning.
Your life may be more difficult than others due to different reasons such as classism, racism, sexism, disability, or childhood trauma. You may have been done dirty in the past. Some people are dealt a better hand in life than others. But all of us have to start with the hand we are given and we can't change the past.
You are worthwhile and deserve to be happy. You are the one that can make it happen.
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago, the second best time is now" unknown origin.
Learn to control your emotions and reactions. Remember, no one can make you feel a certain way, you have to decide to let them control you. You are in control.
Take care of your physical health
Poor physical health can translate into poor mental health. Whether you choose to be active or sit on your butt, how well you sleep, if you drink alcohol, what type of diet you eat, whether you smoke or vape, your education level, and your socioeconomic status all influence organ and brain health.
Researchers looked at seven organ systems; lungs, muscles and bones, liver, kidneys, heart, and the metabolic and immune systems in over 18,000 people. They found that people with higher depression symptoms had poorer organ health. People with poorer organ health (except kidney and lung health) also had higher anxiety symptoms and greater neuroticism (Tian et al. 2024).
Challenge negative thinking and block internet negativity.
Gail H. (38 years old): "I curate my Facebook feed to be focused on art, positive family and friends, and science news. Negative people get muted, hidden, or blocked if necessary. I try to keep the same positive quality in what I post, even if my feed is nothing but multiple pictures and comments about my huskies."
Utagawa Kuniyoshi (1798–1861) Hata Rokurozaemon with his dog (cropped).
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* People and their stories are real, but their names and some small identifying details are changed.
This information in this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
References:
Tian YE, Cole JH, Bullmore ET. et al. Brain, lifestyle and environmental pathways linking physical and mental health. Nat. Mental Health 2, 1250–1261 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1038/s44220-024-00303-4 Abstract.