How to Heal From Religious Trauma
Is your depression, stress or cPTSD due to religious trauma?
A recent study of 1,581 USA adults found that approximately 1/3 (27-33%) have experienced religious trauma at some time. Currently, 10-20% of adults suffer from religious trauma (Slade et al. 2023). People with religious trauma often experience anxiety, depression, shame, stress, and fear.
Religious trauma can be pretty insidious since it is normally started in childhood.
- Some signs of religious trauma
- How to help yourself heal from religious trauma
- The cycle of religious abuse
- To heal tell yourself these statements
- Heal yourself with random science facts
- Are you feeling philosophical?
Some signs of religious trauma
❉ Lack of personal autonomy; the belief that everything in life is predetermined by God/Allah/Gods and Goddesses/Other Divine Beings so there is no use trying something different.
❉ Guilt or shame over being a 'sinner' or 'being bad' or not living up to your gender role. Religions often try to guilt or shame people into obedience.
❉ Feeling guilty about not conforming to your strict gender roles.
❉ Not being compassionate to yourself; denying yourself pleasure. Self hatred!
❉ Feeling that you cannot trust yourself.
❉ Panic attacks, depression, and anxiety.
❉ Fear of rejection from your religious community or your God(s). Shunning is used by many religious communities.
❉ Chronic fear and anxiety about Hell, eternal damnation, salvation, demons, the rapture, angels or other religious constructs.
Joy M. (21 year old woman) "...my childhood was basically hell on earth due to all the religious trauma. I had severe anxiety disorder as a child. My mother told me it was was "evil devils" tormenting me and that only confessing my sins to God would save me. Church was a constant state of anxiety and fear all the time. It was a guilt trip that lasted for years and I still have nightmares."
❉ Judging each choice or action as either evil or good. No in between.
❉ Feeling guilty for experiencing pleasure.
❉ Feeling guilty or bad about sexual thoughts or actions. Having sexual dysfunctions due to lack of education and guilt around sex.
Jaxon L (36 year old man) "I grew up with extremely fundamentalist parents that taught purity culture pretty much 24-7. I was overwhelmed by the hatred and fear of any hint of sexuality or intimacy. I never saw my parents display any passion; they never even held hands. Now as an adult I struggle in relationships to create romantic passion and intimacy. I feel like that side of me never developed properly. I’m afraid it’s going to ruin my current relationship."
❉ Feeling that you should be able to 'pray away' mental health issues.
❉ Denying your sexuality; having identity confusion.
❉ Feeling guilty about thinking! Religion often tries to discourage critical thought and makes fun of education and science.
❉ Fear of associating with others who think differently than you.
❉ Experiencing physical, emotional, sexual or finance abuse in the church.
The Wounded Angel - Hugo Simberg c1903 oil on canvas.
The cycle of religious abuse
Some religious groups believe people are all inherently guilty of sin. People may be asked to confess their sins or be held accountable for events and actions beyond their control. This means people are reliant on their religious leaders to ask for and receive forgiveness for those sins. It creates a toxic environment ripe for abuse.
Toxic churches focus on:
Δ Strict authority and absolute rules.
Δ Punishment, guilt, shame and damnation.
Δ Manipulative messaging.
Δ Support for oppression, including sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and racism.
Δ The need to make personal or financial sacrifices.
Δ The need to keep distance from 'unbelievers' or 'sinners'.
Δ Reducing the worth of an individual.
Δ Often led by either extremely charismatic or authoritarian leaders; usually men.
Δ A culture that hides child and spouse abuse.
How to help yourself heal from religious trauma
Be kind to yourself. Practice self care. Do activities you love that relax you and bring you joy. You may have PTSD or cPTSD from your religious experiences. Check out support for PTSD here.
Find a community of people to join who are not in your former religious community.
Be aware that due to the way you were raised you may be susceptible to other forms of abuse as an adult. Read about how to protect yourself from cults, frauds and other devious people.
Mårten Eskil Winge - Thor's Battle Against the Jötnar c1872.
 by Marten Eskil Winge {{PD-US-expired}}.jpg)
Explore your beliefs. Read myths to recognize that every culture has different stories about gods, goddesses and creation. Check out Crash Course World Mythology. Often people are attached to a religion because they were introduced, assimilated, and/or indoctrinated into it when they were young. Reading about other creation tales makes you realize the similarities between religions and myths. This is also a good thing to do with children.
When searching for therapists avoid those affiliated with the church or religion that traumatized you. Sometime they will try to gaslight you. Find a non-judgemental therapist trained to help those with religious trauma.
D'Lynn O. (56 years old) "Healing was a slow process and took years. I felt like I was an observer in the real world and tried to be clinical. I am still very prickly in many perfectly normal social situations; however, now I know it is a irrational feeling caused about by a abusive childhood filled with guilt, fear, and loathing.
Hiking helps. Meditation helps. Music helps. Making art helps. I had to learn to accept my imperfections and love myself, and know how to make decisions for myself, because religion is a fake belief system to make you doubt and leave you in fear.
Research into science and religion really helped me. I learned about other religions and about human evolution. This puts things in perspective and gives you an accurate unbiased view of human behavior. Its was an aha moment for me.
Discussing my trauma with others helped a lot more than I thought it would. It was hard to say "I was raised in a cult" out loud to another person. But it was healing.
My parents were extremely superstitious and very religious. They were abusive to me and my siblings - physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive. Our church was fundamentalist and weird. I was brainwashed from the time I was born. I got myself out at 19. I win."
I'm sorry your childhood was filled with fear and hate. No child should have to go through that.
Jean Huber - Voltaire Narrating a Fable second half of 18th century oil on panel.
To heal tell yourself:
♥ I am a valuable person just the way I am right now. I do not need to be saved.
♥ Being born human is NOT sinful. I do not need to feel guilty for being human.
♥ I trust myself. I listen to my feelings and experiences. It is my birthright to feel pleasure in being human.
♥ I can make my own decisions; I do not need to consult church leaders, spiritual advisors or anyone positing themselves as an authority figure.
♥ I do not have to be religious or believe in anything unless I choose to be. Many good people are not religious. Many evil people hide behind religion.
♥ I can be in a church because I like the social or cultural aspects, even if I don't believe in that church anymore.
♥ I do not have to be in contact with people from the church that abused and brainwashed me.
♥ It is OK to be mad that I was lied to and fed harmful fairy tales as a trusting child. I forgive myself for believing the lies.
♥ I can believe in a guiding presence in the universe if I want to do so without committing to a religion or a cult. I can even believe in both science and religion if I wish.
♥ I can be mad that I was told untruths about dinosaurs being giant lizards or their bones being placed on earth by the devil to fool me instead of learning about the actual wonders of the universe and science. I can explore that now if I want!
♥ I can be mad that I was treated as a second class citizen due to my gender.
♥ It will take a while to heal. I will keep working on it.
♥ I can break the cycle!
Are you feeling philosophical?
Ask yourself some questions:
☆ Are you a member of a religion just because you were born into that religion? What do you think would have happened if your parents had been from a different religion? Or no religion at all? Most people stay with the religion they were born into - see Pew Research Center for more details. Is this due to laziness or indoctrination?
☆ If you believe in an all powerful and knowing force that created the marvel that is the universe; do you really think they monitor your personal life, care what you wear, or worry about what food you eat? I personally think that kind of pettiness sounds like something humans would make up.
☆ Why do you think so many religions have strictly defined gender roles - especially ones that place women in a submissive role? Strict gender roles harm both women and men.
Tanya B. (43 year old woman): "...religions were invented by men and run by men. Oddly they all happen to say that men are superior to women. Only they can lead the church and women need to obey them. Religion is like the world's longest running con game.
Create a new religion that puts you and all the men at the top of the hierarchy Or rewrite the scriptures holy book to put less emphasis on women and more on men. If the women question their place they are questioning the will of God. This scam is beautifully simple. Considering the number of women throughout history and from various religions that have bought into the idea that they're inferior, it has worked unbelievably well.
My mom was a submissive and obedient Southern Baptist and my father was a very bad man. She didn't protect me or my sister when he went for us. According to her, the husband is the head of household and he gets to do whatever he wants to his family. I no longer talk to either of my parents and despise submissive women because of my mother. A strong woman would have gone head to head with him and protected her children in whatever way possible. Weak women benefit nobody except predators."
☆ How much of religion is about control? Control of your thoughts, labour, body and money?
☆ What do you think about mega churches where the pastors ask poor church members for more money while they fly around in private jets and wear expensive sneakers and watches? I recommend Ray Steven's song "Would Jesus wear a Rolex." for some food for thought.
☆ How about politicians who claim to be religious while leading what most religious and nonreligious people would consider an immoral lifestyle (numerous divorces, affairs, not paying contractors, drugs, child abuse, financial fraud)? What does it say about churches who endorse this behavior?
☆ Really read and consider your religion's tales and stories about their origin and version of the afterlife. Would you believe this if it was presented to you as an adult? How does it compare to other similar stories and myths of the afterlife?
☆ What do you think people in other religions think about your version of the afterlife?
☆ Do you think you can buy your way into the afterlife? What do you think about the 'confess and you are saved no matter how horrible you have been in the past' loophole in some religions?
☆ Why do you think religious people believe in hell but nonbelievers don't? Atheists don't believe in Satan.
☆ Why do you think that most atheist and agnostic people don't need religion to be good people?
Heal yourself with random facts
You cannot pray the gay away: being attracted to the same sex is common in nature. There is nothing wrong with it.
Same-sex sexual behavior has been documented in male and female animals of over 1,500 species. At least 51 species of nonhuman primates engage in same-sex sexual behavior. This behavior includes mating, courtship, and partner pairing. It occurs equally in female and male animals. Animals that are more social have more same sex pairings. Same-sex attractions may serve to establish and maintain positive social bonds or may reduce intra sexual conflict and aggression (discussion in Gómez et al. 2023, Anderson et al. 2024).
Food for thought: if you can choose to be attracted to men or attracted to women you are bisexual!
Some people are strictly heterosexual, some are strictly homosexual, and some can pick and choose. Just because you can choose doesn't mean other people can.
The earth is 4.54 ± 0.05 billion years old.
How do we know? Check out some of the methods used in this web page: CLRN How old is the earth according to the science. The age of the earth, the sun and the universe have been derived through several independent lines of evidence (see IPS).
Dinosaurs are real and pretty cool (just ask a six year old kid).
One time I drove through Montana in the middle of the night and the only thing on the radio was a guy going on and on about how dinosaurs bones were really just bones from really big lizards that had died during Noah's flood. They were so big because they had a really long life span like the people in the bible at that time. Don't be that guy on the radio.
One of the most interesting things about dinosaurs is that birds are their descendants. We now think that some dinosaurs were covered with feathers.
Do some research. Real science is awesome.
Just take a gander at quantum physics! You may be using quantum physics to smell right now (look it up). There are so many mysteries left to explore.
Go to ScienceDaily and check out all the cool new science summarized in 1 or 2 pages. The Quirky section has the oddest research.
Remember: you are made of the stuff of stars. You are a marvelous creation that does not need to apologize for being human!
*People are real. Names and small details are changed to protect their privacy.
This information is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
References:
Aggarwal S, Wright J, Morgan A, Patton G, Reavley N. Religiosity and spirituality in the prevention and management of depression and anxiety in young people: a systematic review and meta-analysis. BMC Psychiatry. 2023 Oct 10;23(1):729. doi: 10.1186/s12888-023-05091-2. Full article.
Anderson KA, Teichroeb JA, Ramsay MS, Bădescu I, López-Torres S, Gibb JK. Same-sex sexual behaviour among mammals is widely observed, yet seldomly reported: Evidence from an online expert survey. PLoS One. 2024 Jun 20;19(6):e0304885. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0304885. Full article.
Gómez JM, Gónzalez-Megías A, Verdú M. The evolution of same-sex sexual behaviour in mammals. Nat Commun 14, 5719 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-023-41290-x Full article.
Slade, Darren & Smell, Adrianna & Wilson, Elizabeth & Drumsta, Rebekah. (2023). Percentage of U.S. Adults Suffering from Religious Trauma: A Sociological Study. Socio-Historical Examination of Religion and Ministry. 5. 1-28. 10.33929/sherm.2023.vol5.no1.01. Abstract.